How did the Presidents act?

“Listen without being defensive. Speak without being offensive. And in the end leave the other party with their dignity intact.” Andrew Young, Former United States Ambassador to the UN

I watched the press conference between Presidents Trump and Zelenskyy last weekend. I was at a loss for words, confused by the interactions between the presidents and their exchanges with the press.

At this level, one would understand that negotiations are not easy to clinch. However, I did not anticipate seeing grown men, holding the highest offices in their respective countries, misspeak and misbehave publicly. Both seemed to lose touch with themselves in the moment. This is where I would normally ask, “What just happened?”

One president left his war-torn country to sign an agreement in hopes of brokering peace with the leader of the most powerful nation, a country that prides itself on democracy.

It was evident that the Ukrainian president was exhausted and frustrated after three long years of war. Perhaps due to his anger and fatigue, he sought to repeatedly emphasize his country’s plight and portray his enemy as a villain while in a foreign staged press conference.

The other president—the one brokering the peace between two warring nations—although eager to be seen as a peacemaker, also lost himself in the situation. Before the lens of his country’s press, he started barraging his guest, demanding gratitude from him.

And in less than an hour, the world watched in disbelief as two presidents clashed.

Yes, situations can overwhelm us, and sometimes emotions get the best of us. We have all found ourselves reacting in ways that fail to reflect our best selves.

Communication, especially in negotiations, is difficult. A perfect 50-50 split is rarely a good deal for either party because it often means both sides feel they have lost half of what they desired. A truly successful negotiation ensures that both parties walk away with terms they believe work best for them while feeling comfortable with their compromises. Achieving this requires empathy, active listening, and sound judgment.

Many people enter negotiations seeking to win—to gain more than the other party and secure bragging rights. However, in dealing with others, it is important to remember that they, too, have real needs and emotions. They, like you, were created by God.

We do better when we are considerate of others. Being considerate allows us to be more open to different perspectives. Negotiations are more productive when both parties come to the table with a genuine willingness to understand each other.

Egos should be left at the door—whether you are a disputing party or an arbitrator. Empathy should take its place, ensuring that selfishness and greed do not dominate the discussion. When you listen, try to see and feel what the other person is experiencing.

Some of the most challenging and common conflicts arise between tenants and landlords. Both sides often believe they are in the right. Only when a tenant understands the burdens of a landlord does resolution become possible. Likewise, a landlord who recognizes the struggles of a tenant is more likely to be compassionate and supportive.

Some individuals are naturally defensive, always feeling as though someone is trying to take advantage of them. These people assume a posture of conflict, making communication—let alone negotiation—extremely difficult.

I am not suggesting that you give up your rights or accept less than what you deserve. However, I encourage you to take the higher position by attempting to understand the other party’s perspective and pain points. Do not enter a negotiation mainly to prove a point or make the other party suffer. They are struggling just as you are in that moment. You become the bigger person—not by leaving your cards on the table or snatching theirs, but by playing your cards wisely. This means using not just business or analytical intelligence, but emotional intelligence as well.

Speaking of emotional intelligence, it is crucial to control your emotions especially during negotiations. Even if you are frustrated by your situation, remain tactful when presenting facts and events. Keep your eyes on the goal and what you hope to achieve. Diplomacy requires self-respect, self-awareness, and respect for others.

Even if you feel you have more to offer, as the American president did, you must never make the other party feel smaller or less, even if they have come to you for help.

And if all else fails in the negotiation, at the very least, leave the other party with their dignity intact.